WEEK 84: DELAYED GRATIFICATION

Good things come to those who wait.    Unknown

REFLECTIONS (learnings and actions):  This week I wanted to write about the idea of delay gratification, or not giving up on what you want most for what you want now. Again, I was able to learn this from James Clear. 

In 1960, Stanford professor Walter Mischel conducted the now famous Marshmallow experiment. 

The experiment was quite simple. A child around the age of 4 or 5 years old was placed in a room where a marshmallow was placed on the table in front of them. Then a researcher would tell the child they would receive another marshmallow if they did not eat it while they left the room. However, they also told the child they would not receive another one if they ate it before they came back.

The researchers left for 15 minutes and the children did one of three things. First, some would eat the marshmallow right after the researcher left. Second, some would resist the urge to eat it right away, but eventually would cave and eat it. Third, some children would wait the whole 15 minutes and receive another marshmallow.

This was actually just the beginning of the psychological study. The researchers followed the progress of each child as the grew up and found the children who delayed gratification and waited the 15 minutes for the second marshmallow had higher marks in a whole slue of categories; SAT scores, better social skills, and better responses to stress. (study 1, study 2, study 3).

However, the study did not end there. They tracked the children in other life measures and found the trend continued as the children grew older. The ones who delayed gratification at the age of 4 and 5, were far more successful than the ones who did not.

Simply put the children who had more self control found more success later in life.

Now, is self control an inherent trait, like some are born with it and some are not? Answer NO. 

A study at the University of Rochester dove deeper into the Marshmallow experiment to see if they could discover more about self control. They had two control groups in the experiment. 

Group #1: Childrne were given a small box of crayons and were told they would be given another bigger box if they waited. Or they had one sticker and were told they would get more stickers. However, neither promise was fulfilled. Thus the experience was unreliable.

Group #2: Children in this group were told one thing and then it was given to them. Thus the experiences were relaible.

Next both groups were taken through the marshmallow experiment and the children from the unreliable group of course ate the marshmallows, while the children in the reliable experience group were able to wait, as they new they would be gratified later.

The study showed self control is not a pre-determined trait. It can be ingrained in us through experiences.

So how can both studies help you succeed? It comes down to discipline. At some point you will need to be disciplined and take the proper actions instead of becoming distracted and doing what is EASY.  Or you choose the initial pain of discipline over the ease of distraction to enjoy the gratification of success later.

Take at what this might look like today in our lives:

-Writing 500 words for your book/blog and delaying your gratification of watching Netflix helps you finish your book/post.

-Exercising for 30 minutes and delaying the gratification of hitting the couch after work helps you get back into shape faster.

Now in terms of the LYP, I have mentioned before the path to our dreams will be hazy and unclear at times. This lack of clarity will produce uncomfortable feelings which will make you doubt if you ever achieve your goal. I have now learned there will be plenty of roadside distractions to take you away from the path. It is like driving through Times Square or Vegas and not getting distracted from all the lights, noise, and appeal. To succeed it will take a jab-upper cut combo to keep you focused on the path. 

First, embrace the uncomfortable feelings caused from uncertainty and use them to yoru advantage. Often times for me, this means I need to analyze my principles, daily decisions and actions, to ensure I taking the steps to move me closer to achieving my ultimate outcome. Furthermore, this is where you use the Pareto Principle to identify which 20% of the activities you are doing are producing the 80% of the results. 

Second, use the power of delayed gratification is achieving your dreams. How can you do that?

Reminder, self control is not an inherent trait and it can be learned, and actually encompasses four of the strategies I have learned in the LYP.

1. Start small. Do not try to take on a massive situation where your self control will be tested to the max. Do something you know you can easily say no and wait to be gratified.

2. Incorporate the Aggregation of Marginal Gains. Do something until it becomes easy and then add 1%. Do this consistently and you can produce meaningful results. 

3. Use the Seinfeld strategy. Simply get a calendar and mark an X for everyday where you practice delaying gratification. The key is not to break the chain.

4. Use the Got 2-minutes strategy to get initiate the task, as the toughest part is usually getting started. 

What Went Well?

Weekly task completed while traveling and has become ingrained in my weekly schedule. 

What is something we can improve? What actions can we take next week?

Appreciate more. Megan and I have amazing lives already, but I get carried away and think our lives will be only better once I get the book published and the software companies are off and running. Appreciate the NOW.

What is something to avoid next week?

Not appreciating the now. 

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PLANNING (Implementation Intention):  You will follow through 2X to 3X more likely to complete your weekly task than you normally would just by filling in the following statement.

I plan to complete the weekly task [day] at [time] in [location]. 

A reminder you might have to use multiple Implementation Intentions in order to follow through.

EXECUTION (strategies used):  From week to week, I use a combination of many strategies. There are always some which are used more than others depending on what comes up, but I wanted to offer a link to all them at once. 

My advice is to identify the I CAN'T statement you tell yourself during the most. Then find a strategy below the statement which resonates with you, and then start using it. 

Enjoy!

STRATEGY LIST

WEEK 83: THE VALUE OF MEASURING YOUR PERFORMANCE

Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, and determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible to those who believe. ~Norman Vincent Peale...American Clergyman

REFLECTIONS (learnings and actions): This week I want to share some insights I have gained about the idea of "Inevitable Thinking." I have mentioned this in previous posts, but "Inevitable Thinking" is the strategy where what you decide becomes a forgone conclusion as you set up the conditions to make it a reality. 

The set-up of course are you daily decisions or actions, or simply your principles. Now I have learned that although you might have ironclad faith in what you choose to accomplish, there will be times when you will doubt yourself and ask "IF" it will happen. 

Now our brain is such an amazing tool and one of its main purposes it to try to make clarity from the unknown. It is consider all aspects, possible outcomes, and pairs this with past experience to put yourself in the most favorable situation. We love it when it provides the immediate steps to take in a dangerous situation, but loathe it when we sit and wallow in misery when the outcome is uncertain. 

Additionally, this usually happens when you get too caught up in the results and think about things you can not control. You think you should have already accomplished x, y, or z and moved forward. However, I have learned these times of stress and frustration are a trigger to analyze your principles, or the decisions and actions you can control. Something you are doing is probably not helping you make the progress you thought it would, so you need to focus on identifying how you can make a change to move forward. 

This is where measuring and reporting your performance plays such an integral part of accelerating your growth. If you did not measure your daily actions then you would have no idea what to analyze and would probably just focus on the results, or lack their of. This in turn leads you down a path of of all the failures from the past and maybe even you convince you to quit what you started. Where as, knowing the activities you take on a daily basis allows you to use the Pareto principle to identify which 20% of your activities are producing 80% of your results. 

Furthermore, I have learned you can not only measure your performance, you also have to report on it to make signifiant growth. This means to review your stats, identify how consistent you have been, and find clarity on what steps you can take to modify your 20% activities to help you grow even more. 

However, none of this will work if you do not have this ingredient. What is it you might ask? Well, it all starts with FAITH, or the complete trust in something. For the LYP this corresponds to the strategy of "Inevitable Thinking." Now, this does not mean you will never have a doubt or feel uncomfortable from time to time. It means you understand those are the times focus on what you can control and analyze your principles to make modifications to move closer to achieving what you set out to.

Think about the following example. Although you believe somewhat in an idea, you still take actions daily to try to achieve it. Unfortunately, the gains you see are incremental at best. However, you do not quit and continue taking action after action. Time passes and your belief slowly deteriorates. You start to feel burnout, and thoughts of possibly quitting start swirling in your head. Can you relate?

WHY? Well, you do not have 100% faith in what you want to achieve, or do not have the belief that what you have decided is a forgone conclusion. Thus your actions are mediocre at best, and thus do not produce the results you are looking for. 

Alternatively, you believe whole heartedly in achieving the end result and focus consistently on the principles which move you closer to that outcome. 

Today, most of operate on the following order: I want to HAVE a result, so I will DO the following actions, and expect to BE the type of person who can achieve those results. 

Where as, successful people start by taking on the thoughts and beliefs of BEing a person who can achieve those results, then DOing the actions which correlate to that person, and then HAVing the results. 

To relate this to LYP, this order for success means you start with the idea of "Inevitable Thinking" (BE), knowing that there will be times when you feel doubt or fear, but these are the times to drill down on your principles. You do this by first measuring and reporting your performance and using the Pareto principle to identify steps to move forward (DO). This will help you accelerate your growth and see the results in a shorter amount of time (HAVE).  

What Went Well?

Weekly task completed while traveling and trying to find reliable wifi. Also, crystalizing a process to accelerate growth and progress in any area. 

What is something we can improve? What actions can we take next week?

Incorporating HYGEE, enjoyment of lifes simple pleasures daily. 

What is something to avoid next week?

Getting caught up only results. 

PLANNING (Implementation Intention):  You will follow through 2X to 3X more likely to complete your weekly task than you normally would just by filling in the following statement.

I plan to complete the weekly task [day] at [time] in [location]. 

A reminder you might have to use multiple Implementation Intentions in order to follow through.

EXECUTION (strategies used):  From week to week, I use a combination of many strategies. There are always some which are used more than others depending on what comes up, but I wanted to offer a link to all them at once. 

My advice is to identify the I CAN'T statement you tell yourself during the most. Then find a strategy below the statement which resonates with you, and then start using it. 

Enjoy!

STRATEGY LIST

WEEK 82: PARETO PRINCIPLE

Do the hard jobs first, and the easy ones will take care of themselves. Dale Carnegie

REFLECTIONS (learnings and actions): This week I wanted to highlight a strategy I have been using in recent weeks called the Pareto principle. I actually wrote about it in W21, here is the original post. 

I have actually been using this strategy for the last couple of weeks without knowing it, but was able to make a connection after my reading of Jack Canfield's book "Success Principles." The Pareto Principle is named for the nineteenth century economist that came up with it and it states that 80% of the revenue is generated from 20% of it customers.  

This principle can also be translated to our lives, as 20% of actions that you complete on a daily basis produce 80% of the results. We often times get caught up in thinking we have to do everything ourselves, which in turn leaves no time to invest in the actions that produce 80% of our success. Recently, we have hired a babysitter to stay with us one night a week, so that Megan and I can have a date night. This choice to pay someone to stay with us has opened up time for me to write my weekly posts before spending quality time with my wife. I have reaped huge dividends both in my personal and professional life.  

Thus, Analyze the actions that you complete on a daily basis and identify which ones produce 80% of the results. Then, see if you can hire or find someone else to complete the other tasks that take you away from these.

Pretty crazy to read where I was in W21, but the Pareto principle is just as important now in W82, as it was in W21. I knew back then completing my weekly posts was one of my 20% activities which produced 80% of my results.

Today my reality is much more complicated as we are in the midst of firming up everything in Brazil, and preparing for our move to China in August. Additionally, I am devoting time for the LYP and also starting my software companies in the midst of working 8-5 everyday, being a husband, father, and the numerous other errands which need to be completed on a daily basis. 

I wrote in the past two weeks about how you can accelerate your progress by measuring and reporting your performance, and I mentioned to use the Pareto principle. Today I want to dive deeper into how you can use it. 

Not sure who said "Work smarter not harder!" but this is totally necessary to avoid burnout on the path to achieving your dreams. 

For me, I felt the burnout as I was trying to do EVERYTHING and expecting everything to come out a certain way. Thus, when they did not, I became super frustrated. I have learned last week, we can not see the whole path to achieving our dreams, we can only see 200 yds in front of us. Thus trying to control every aspect, will only lead to burnout. 

So how can you find clarity? Use the Pareto principle continuously.

First, I know that publishing the LYP book and starting my software companies are the results I have been working for. Although I was taking consistent actions in achieving both goals, I was not making the gains I was hoping for. 

Thus, I drilled down even more and applied the Pareto principle again. Take a look.

Write weekly LYP blog post.

Write weekly article in Medium.

Work on free course for book.

Work on creating perfect reading avatar.

Complete keyword searches on Amazon.

Watch videos in The Foundation.

Talk to people about our products.

Write cold emails.

Create wireframes.

Complete work in Traffic and Funnels to learn how to acquire customers.

Now this list is not the whole list, but gives you a pretty good idea of what is happening outside of my regular duties as a husband, father, and my 8-5. 

Now going back to what my ultimate outcome of publishing a book and creating software companies I looked at the list again and drilled down into how each was helping me achieve these results. I analyzed time and level of progress.

Write weekly LYP blog post...1 Hour a week. Instrumental in organizing and collecting thoughts about LYP.

Write weekly article in Medium...1 Hour a week, but only have a few followers currently.

Work on free course for book...1 Hour a day and still 8 months out from publishing date.

Work on creating perfect reading avatar...30 min per day and still 8 months out from publishing date.

Complete keyword searches on Amazon...30 min per day and still 8 months out from publishing date.

Watch videos in The Foundation...1 Hour a week and in a stage where I currently am not. 

Talk to people about our products....30 minutes a day, but dried up all contacts. 

Write cold emails...findings leads, and then crafting email sequences. 20 min per day and ran out of leads right now. 

Create wireframes....30 min a day, but is necessary to continue our talks to Mundo Verde (health food chain in Brazil).

Complete work in Traffic and Funnels to learn how to acquire customers...1 Hour a day and is instrumental in learning how to talk to market in most efficient ways, takes an hour a day. 

This really helped me identify my 20% activities, which are write the LYP blog post, create wireframes, and continue working in Traffic and Funnels. These three activities consists roughly 30% of my overall activities, but I know these are the activities which will accelerate me achieving my ultimate outcomes faster. 

I actually feel a huge weight has been removed from my shoulders, as I know what activities to focus on. Although completing all of the other activities would help me make small levels of progress, I know focusing on the 20% activities will accelerate my process even more. 

Do you know what you want to achieve, but feel like a hamster in a wheel making incremental progress? Use the Pareto principal to help you find CLARITY in the 20% activities which will help you achieve your ultimate outcomes!

What Went Well?

Weekly task completed and CLARITY on what activities to focus on to accelerate progress towards publishing the book and launching my software companies. 

What is something we can improve? What actions can we take next week?

Worrying about what everyone thinks. I have learned you can not please everyone and you can only control your actions. Thus, focus on the people you love and make it a point to make them happy and joyful!

What is something to avoid next week?

Trying to please everyone. 

THE PROCESS STRATEGY LIST: 

PLANNING (Implementation Intention):  You will follow through 2X to 3X more likely to complete your weekly task than you normally would just by filling in the following statement.

I plan to complete the weekly task [day] at [time] in [location]. 

A reminder you might have to use multiple Implementation Intentions in order to follow through.

EXECUTION (strategies used):  From week to week, I use a combination of many strategies. There are always some which are used more than others depending on what comes up, but I wanted to offer a link to all them at once. 

My advice is to identify the I CAN'T statement you tell yourself during the most. Then find a strategy below the statement which resonates with you, and then start using it. 

Enjoy!

WEEK 81: HYGEE: TAKING PLEASURE IN LIFE'S SIMPLE THINGS

I thought I would do something differently and place the reflection part first this week as most of you have said you enjoy reading it the most. 

REFLECTIONS (learnings and actions): This week I wanted to discuss the importance of cultivating a sense of gratitude and appreciation on the path to achieving your dreams. 

I have written in the previous weeks about the idea of "Inevitable Thinking" or believing what you decide is a forgone conclusion because you set up the conditions to make it happen.

This is what I have decided with starting my software companies, as it is not a matter of IF, but WHEN they will be in operation. Additionally, I have really started to measure and report my performance so I can make the changes to accelerate my growth from week to week. 

Although I have grown tremendously since I started working on my software companies, I caught myself this week being grouchy and not my normal self due to the HUGE expectations for everything to work out a certain way. I expected the companies to be built at a certain date. I expected them to have X customers by now. I expected to have X dollars in revenue. I expected...You get the point.

Now, having a clear purpose and going after it with all you have is not an issue, but trying to control everything to turn out exactly a certain way is a problem. I found myself in the last couple of weeks being curt with people around me, actually Megan pointed this out to me. I was trying to control every aspect and trying to dictate the outcome. Simply put, I was not a fun person to be around.  

Tony Robbins said "Trade your expectations with appreciations and your world instantly changes."

I wrote about this earlier on in my Leap Year process, but I was reminded of the importance of being grateful and appreciate the NOW. Life is a beautiful process, and there so many things to be grateful for. A beautiful wife, two healthy kids, health, a job....However, it can be hard to see these things if you try to control and expect things to turn out an exact way at a certain time. I have learned this makes you resist and judge, which limits your ability to see all the opportunities in front of you.

The path to our dreams will be hazy and unclear at times and I am reminded of what Jack Canfield, the author of the world best selling book series Chicken Soup for the Soul, said "...when driving your car at night, you can only see 200 yards in front of you." We can not see the whole path, and trying to do so will only end in frustration. 

Shakespeare wrote "Expectation is the root of heartache." 

I have learned this lesson the hard way. It is perfectly fine to be focused, determined, and take actions everyday, but do not forget to take a moment and see what you can appreciate from the 200 yards in front of you!

What Went Well?

Weekly task completed on the road again and lesson learnt to appreciate more, expect less.

What is something we can improve? What actions can we take next week?

The Dutch have a word called Hygee. There is no formal definition, but it roughly means to take pleasure in life's simple pleasure. This is something I want to implement in my life and use on a daily basis. The sun in my face, coming home to Megan and the kids, being able to sleep in a comfortable bed....Hygee!

What is something to avoid next week?

Trying to control everything and expecting things to turn out a certain way.

A reminder

PLANNING (Implementation Intention):  You will follow through 2X to 3X more likely to complete your weekly task than you normally would just by filling in the following statement.

I plan to complete the weekly task [day] at [time] in [location]. 

A reminder you might have to use multiple Implementation Intentions in order to follow through.

EXECUTION (strategies used):  From week to week, I use a combination of many strategies. There are always some which are used more than others depending on what comes up, but I wanted to offer a link to all them at once. 

My advice is to identify the I CAN'T statement you tell yourself during the most. Then find a strategy below the statement which resonates with you, and then start using it. 

Enjoy!

STRATEGY LIST