Good things come to those who wait. Unknown
REFLECTIONS (learnings and actions): This week I wanted to write about the idea of delay gratification, or not giving up on what you want most for what you want now. Again, I was able to learn this from James Clear.
In 1960, Stanford professor Walter Mischel conducted the now famous Marshmallow experiment.
The experiment was quite simple. A child around the age of 4 or 5 years old was placed in a room where a marshmallow was placed on the table in front of them. Then a researcher would tell the child they would receive another marshmallow if they did not eat it while they left the room. However, they also told the child they would not receive another one if they ate it before they came back.
The researchers left for 15 minutes and the children did one of three things. First, some would eat the marshmallow right after the researcher left. Second, some would resist the urge to eat it right away, but eventually would cave and eat it. Third, some children would wait the whole 15 minutes and receive another marshmallow.
This was actually just the beginning of the psychological study. The researchers followed the progress of each child as the grew up and found the children who delayed gratification and waited the 15 minutes for the second marshmallow had higher marks in a whole slue of categories; SAT scores, better social skills, and better responses to stress. (study 1, study 2, study 3).
However, the study did not end there. They tracked the children in other life measures and found the trend continued as the children grew older. The ones who delayed gratification at the age of 4 and 5, were far more successful than the ones who did not.
Simply put the children who had more self control found more success later in life.
Now, is self control an inherent trait, like some are born with it and some are not? Answer NO.
A study at the University of Rochester dove deeper into the Marshmallow experiment to see if they could discover more about self control. They had two control groups in the experiment.
Group #1: Childrne were given a small box of crayons and were told they would be given another bigger box if they waited. Or they had one sticker and were told they would get more stickers. However, neither promise was fulfilled. Thus the experience was unreliable.
Group #2: Children in this group were told one thing and then it was given to them. Thus the experiences were relaible.
Next both groups were taken through the marshmallow experiment and the children from the unreliable group of course ate the marshmallows, while the children in the reliable experience group were able to wait, as they new they would be gratified later.
The study showed self control is not a pre-determined trait. It can be ingrained in us through experiences.
So how can both studies help you succeed? It comes down to discipline. At some point you will need to be disciplined and take the proper actions instead of becoming distracted and doing what is EASY. Or you choose the initial pain of discipline over the ease of distraction to enjoy the gratification of success later.
Take at what this might look like today in our lives:
-Writing 500 words for your book/blog and delaying your gratification of watching Netflix helps you finish your book/post.
-Exercising for 30 minutes and delaying the gratification of hitting the couch after work helps you get back into shape faster.
Now in terms of the LYP, I have mentioned before the path to our dreams will be hazy and unclear at times. This lack of clarity will produce uncomfortable feelings which will make you doubt if you ever achieve your goal. I have now learned there will be plenty of roadside distractions to take you away from the path. It is like driving through Times Square or Vegas and not getting distracted from all the lights, noise, and appeal. To succeed it will take a jab-upper cut combo to keep you focused on the path.
First, embrace the uncomfortable feelings caused from uncertainty and use them to yoru advantage. Often times for me, this means I need to analyze my principles, daily decisions and actions, to ensure I taking the steps to move me closer to achieving my ultimate outcome. Furthermore, this is where you use the Pareto Principle to identify which 20% of the activities you are doing are producing the 80% of the results.
Second, use the power of delayed gratification is achieving your dreams. How can you do that?
Reminder, self control is not an inherent trait and it can be learned, and actually encompasses four of the strategies I have learned in the LYP.
1. Start small. Do not try to take on a massive situation where your self control will be tested to the max. Do something you know you can easily say no and wait to be gratified.
2. Incorporate the Aggregation of Marginal Gains. Do something until it becomes easy and then add 1%. Do this consistently and you can produce meaningful results.
3. Use the Seinfeld strategy. Simply get a calendar and mark an X for everyday where you practice delaying gratification. The key is not to break the chain.
4. Use the Got 2-minutes strategy to get initiate the task, as the toughest part is usually getting started.
What Went Well?
Weekly task completed while traveling and has become ingrained in my weekly schedule.
What is something we can improve? What actions can we take next week?
Appreciate more. Megan and I have amazing lives already, but I get carried away and think our lives will be only better once I get the book published and the software companies are off and running. Appreciate the NOW.
What is something to avoid next week?
Not appreciating the now.
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PLANNING (Implementation Intention): You will follow through 2X to 3X more likely to complete your weekly task than you normally would just by filling in the following statement.
I plan to complete the weekly task [day] at [time] in [location].
A reminder you might have to use multiple Implementation Intentions in order to follow through.
EXECUTION (strategies used): From week to week, I use a combination of many strategies. There are always some which are used more than others depending on what comes up, but I wanted to offer a link to all them at once.
My advice is to identify the I CAN'T statement you tell yourself during the most. Then find a strategy below the statement which resonates with you, and then start using it.
Enjoy!
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