WEEK 124: NEGATIVE FEEDBACK VS. EXCESSIVE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK

Small avalanches start with small shifts.       Pamela McFarland Walsh

REFLECTIONS (learnings and actions): Today I want to share something that can one, help you accelerate your progress, or two, STOP you dead in your tracks.

First, I want you to start by thinking about two distinct examples. 

The first involves drawing a line from point A, then zigging a little, and then zagging a little more, but eventually getting to a point B.

Although not straight, there are no major deviations which makes the journey from point A to point B any longer than it needs to be. 

Now, the second example I want you to start by imaging drawing a line from point A, then making a huge, exaggerated horizontal line that extends a far distance, and eventually STOPS at another point. 

Question, how do these two examples relate to how we deal with situations which are presented to us on the path to achieving goals, success, and our dreams?

Well, we first have to talk about the idea of Negative Feedback (NF) and Excessive Negative Feedback (ENF). Understanding the difference between the two will either one, accelerate your progress in achieving any goal or milestone, where as the other, will deter you or even worse, STOP you dead in your tracks.

Negative Feedback, or NF, is something that occurs daily. It does not matter if you are uber successful or an average joe. Everyone is presented with situations in the form of NF. 

What separates the successful and the other 99% of the planet is how they respond to them. 

Most people, me being one of them for many years, considered NF as bad and would continuously think about them to the points that they consumed me. In turn, it would cause me to make decisions that would derail any progress I had made or STOPPED me from taking action forward.

It is like the second example, where I would obsess over the NF and it caused me to make huge, exaggerated horizontal movements which slowed me down from getting from point A to point B. Or even worse, it allowed me to believe what I was doing was wrong, and that I should STOP altogether.

I have found the problem occurs when we are not able to assess the situation correctly. Or, we are not able to separate FACT from opinion. Thus it gives our cerebral mechanism (our brains) false information to act from. Thus, we end up making huge, exaggerated horizontal movements which cause stress, frustration, and opens up room for the killer of all dreams to come in...DOUBT.

For example, losing weight. 

You decide to get back into shape (a majority of the planet is doing currently...actually most are quitting the gyms now) and lose X number of pounds. 

You are inspired and motivated at the beginning and even have results to show for your work. Then something happens. Your boss yells at you, your kids scream mercilessly for an hour...life! 

Stress creeps in, you stop thinking clearly, and eat one cookie. Your intuition provides NF to tell you no, and that need to change what you are doing. 

This is where you have TWO options...one will help you accelerate towards achieving your goals, and the other will take you three steps backwards.

1. You take a moment and separate FACT from opinon. Does what your boss said have any merit? Can you use it to your advantage at all? Were your kids sick? Did they get their finger pinched? Can they even communicate?

Then, choose to make a small modification to autocorrect and get back on track. Thus, do not eat the next cookie or say you deserve a cheat meal.

2. You obsess over the NF and turn it into Excessive Negative Feedback, or you are TOO sensitive to the NF which is being presented to you and it consumes you.

Well I ate that one cookie, might as well eat one more. Also, I have been doing so well, I deserve a treat. Also, this is why diets don't work. There is too much stress to think about eating the right foods. Also, making time for exercise....

On and on, until you let the dream killer in...DOUBT. 

That is why I can't do diets. That is why I have never succeeded. There is no use!

What ensues is you allow yourself that cheat meal. That turns into a cheat day. Cheat weekend. Cheat week. Cheat....(Huge exaggerated, horizontal movements from your goals). 

A week later you decide to give up becuase you think what you are doing is wrong (illusion) and STOP altogether. 

This vicious cycle plays on repeat and you struggle to find the CLARITY on why you can NOT make progress, achieve your goals, success or your dreams.

Crazy, but I see it all the time.

So here is the thing, do you want to commit and make sustainable change in your life? Do you want to achieve your goals? Do you want massive success? Do you want to live the life of yoru dreams?

Yes...

Then consider the following:

1. The path to achieving anything worthwhile will be filled with situations that provide constant NF.

2. You can use NF to steer you.

or 

You can turn it into ENF which will consume you and make you take actions which cause huge exaggerated, horizontal movements away from your goals.

You can do this, 

J

Top three activities that move me forward?

1. TMM...creating my shield for the day!

2. Listening to Audible and Life Coach podcast.

3. Recalibration...it is needed to help stay focused.

Biggest lessons and learnings?

Need to recalibrate everytime you reach a goal, in order to keep you moving. A reminder a bike only stays in balance in motion, not standing still. 

What are you grateful for?

Having a rock solid morning process in place that shields me from all the stresses and frustrations from the day!

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PLANNING (Implementation Intention):  You will follow through 2X to 3X more likely to complete your weekly task than you normally would just by filling in the following statement.

I plan to complete the weekly task [day] at [time] in [location]. 

A reminder you might have to use multiple Implementation Intentions in order to follow through.

EXECUTION (strategies used):  From week to week, I use a combination of many strategies. There are always some which are used more than others depending on what comes up, but I wanted to offer a link to all them at once. 

My advice is to identify the I CAN'T statement you tell yourself during the most. Then find a strategy below the statement which resonates with you, and then start using it. 

Enjoy!

STRATEGY LIST

WEEK 123: DECISIONS, DECISIONS

You are one decision away from a totally different life.     Anonymous

REFLECTIONS (learnings and actions): This week I want to share a simple, but powerful way you can make big decisions.

Now if you are like most people, you find it hard to make decisions, let alone the big ones which can alter and change the trajectory of your life.

For example, you can not decide what clothes to wear in the morning. The blue one, or the black? Or something we all wrestle with, what should I order at the restaurant? The steak or the pasta?

There are a thousand other examples we can talk about here, but I really want to get down to the decisions where your gut seems to be tied in knots, you take days going back and forth, and you even doubt yourself after you make it.

Trust me, I have done this many times, especially in the last couple of years, where one, I decided to take on the challenge of self publishing a book (completed), two, formulated and launched my business JKGSolutions, and three, moved my family across the globe. 

Today society (parents, friends, relatives...) teachers us that making big decisions are SUPER HARD. You must think on them for hours, map out every possibility, write down the pros and cons, and make sure the decision you are about to make will work out 100% before you move forward.

I have learned this is wrong. Now, I am not telling you to devote the time to make these big decisions, but I am telling you there is a more efficient way to gain CLARITY on what to decide. 

To start, there are TWO main things you need to consider before making your decision.

First, nothing is 100% certain. Not even 90%, it might be lower than that actually. The only certain is you will never achieve anything by not taking a chance. That is the only 100% guarantee.

Second, you should focus on what gives you more TIME, as that is the biggest asset you will ever have. You might argue money, but money you can always get more of. TIME, on the other hand, you will never get back.

Now this still does not take away from the fact you still have to endure anxiety, going back and forth, and all the other negative things about making big decisions...

Or not...

I am not going to lie, making big decisions will always be scary, and if they are not, then you are not making decisions which are going to stretch you and force you to put "skin in the game."

That being said, you do not have to endure endless pain and suffering coming to a conculsion to either make choice A or B.

Well, how can you do hits?

Simple, with TWO questions and a comparion.

Below is the TWO step process to make big decisions:

Step 1: Ask TWO questions

Question 1: On a scale from 1-10, what are the chances of me hitting my goals this year if I DO THIS (invest or make this decision)?

Question 2: On a scale from 1-10, what are the chances of me hitting my goals this year if I DO NOT DO THIS (invest or make this decision)?

Step 2: Compare

Compare the % and then choose the one with the higher %.

Now there will be work involved once you make the decision, but if you are serious about making change, if you are serious about achieving your dreams, then this is a sure fire way to make choices which will allow you to accelerate your progress from where you are and achieving dreams! 

Thus allowing you to create a life you love!

Top three activities that move me forward?

1. Moring routines.

2. Keeping body in Zen. Allowing better focus and more time to devote to TLP and JKGSolutions.

3. Listening to Audible and Life Coach podcast. Accelerating growth in professional and personal life. 

Biggest lessons and learnings?

Gratitude is the life line when everything else is falling apart around you. There is always something to be grateful for, cultivate this skill and harness it daily!

What are you grateful for?

Having CLARITY on life purpose of helping others (thousands) realize their potential. Help them find CLARITY on how to create a life they love full of success and fulfillment through the LEAP PROCESS. 

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PLANNING (Implementation Intention):  You will follow through 2X to 3X more likely to complete your weekly task than you normally would just by filling in the following statement.

I plan to complete the weekly task [day] at [time] in [location]. 

A reminder you might have to use multiple Implementation Intentions in order to follow through.

EXECUTION (strategies used):  From week to week, I use a combination of many strategies. There are always some which are used more than others depending on what comes up, but I wanted to offer a link to all them at once. 

My advice is to identify the I CAN'T statement you tell yourself during the most. Then find a strategy below the statement which resonates with you, and then start using it. 

Enjoy!

STRATEGY LIST

WEEK 121: HELPING THE WHOLE MOVE FORWARD

Truth - more precisely, an accurate understanding of reality - is the essential foundation for producing good outcomes.   Ray Dalio

REFLECTIONS (learnings and actions): Today I want to talk to you about a lesson I learned from Ray Dalio.

Who is Ray? 

Well he is the owner of the one of the most lucrative hedge funds in the world...net worth 17 BILLION dollars. 

One of the richest people on the planet. 

He wrote a great book called PRINCIPLES, in which he discusses lessons for success from both his business and personal life.

I have just started listening to it, but it is a fantatic read thus far.

Something jumped out at while I was listening to it and I want to share it with you this week.

In the book Ray talks about different levels of consequences of our choices and the impact it can have on the success we achieve. 

He did this by retelling an experience he had in Africa where he saw a wildebeest taken down by a pack of hyenas. Ray said the experience was visceral and he empathized with the wildebeest.

Yet in the middle of the experience he asked himself how he could be "wrong" for feeling this way.

Ray took some time to reflect but then was able to see it was actually a good thing as nature always operates in optimizing itself. Thus this one instance was actually helping the WHOLE move forward.

He relates this situation to what he calls first, second, and third level consequences. 

Below is a description of each:

1st level based on what is good or bad for ones' self or someone or thing they empathize with

2nd level empathize with greater good, good for the whole

3rd level actions which optimizes for second level.

Now the hyena and wildebeest example might be a little removed from our everyday experience so let me relate it to something we can all understand. 

Exercise. Something we all grapple with and especially this time of the year when we set out to make a better version of ourselves in 2018.

Lets examine the 1st - 3rd level conseuqnces for this.

1st level: your body hurts and is in pain. Thus you quit without even considering the gains you can reach by thinking about 2nd or 3rd level consequences.

2nd level: You understand that the pain is required to get to new levels of health, thus you push trhough the initial pain.

3rd level: You embrace pain to get to new levels of success in health, but then incorporate this in other areas of your life!

The path to achieving your dreams will present moments where you will face uncertainty. Focusing solely on the uncomfortable feelings produced from this lack of clarity is only seeing the 1st level of consequence. This in turn, allows you to quit and settle for other pursuits which are far shorter than what you are capable of.  

You must learn to recognize 1st level consequences, but then learn to look for and focus on the 2nd level, where you can see how other people will be impacted by your work, and 3rd level, where you can make an impact on a world scale. 

Thus, learn to see the THREE levels of consequences to accelerate your progress on the path to achieving your dreams and creating a life you love!

Top three activities that move me forward?

1. Disciplined to Zen. When the body is out of rythm, so are all the other elements of your life. 

2. Dedicated to making time for a quality morning ritual. The day runs away from me when I do not make time for this in the morning. 

3. Listening to Audible and Life Coach podcast. These areas of my life do not thrive as much, when I do not make time for this. 

Biggest lessons and learnings?

Processed food is a drug. It is crazy but the normal food of today is a drug we are all addicted to and it holds us back from the best versions of ourselves.

The sooner you break the addiction, the sooner you will reach new levels of mental, physical, and spiritual clarity.

What are you grateful for?

Having two kiddos that are happy and great sleepers. We literally take them all over the world and they are troopers for being able to handle sitting on planes for many hours and traveling through various airports!

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PLANNING (Implementation Intention):  You will follow through 2X to 3X more likely to complete your weekly task than you normally would just by filling in the following statement.

I plan to complete the weekly task [day] at [time] in [location]. 

A reminder you might have to use multiple Implementation Intentions in order to follow through.

EXECUTION (strategies used):  From week to week, I use a combination of many strategies. There are always some which are used more than others depending on what comes up, but I wanted to offer a link to all them at once. 

My advice is to identify the I CAN'T statement you tell yourself during the most. Then find a strategy below the statement which resonates with you, and then start using it. 

Enjoy!

STRATEGY LIST

WEEK 119: SUCCESS BROKEN DOWN IN 3 STEPS

Understand that no thought in another persons mind can harm you. Nor can the shifts or changes in the world around you. Then what can? Your ability to see it. You must understand that whatever happens to another person - good or bad alike - is neither good or bad...(continued later)   

REFLECTIONS (learnings and actions): This week I want to give you a 4-step process which will accelerate your progress in achieving any goal, massive success, and your dreams of creating a life you love. 

Success is often viewed as something reserved for only a select few. 

It is like a gene you were born with, which automatically dictates whether you will succeed or not.

However, I am going to break it down how to succeed in any realm of your life into a 4-step process you can follow.

Step 1:

Understnad that no thought in another persons's mind can harm you. Nor can the shifts or changes in the world around you. Then what can? Your ability to see it. You must understand that whatever happens to another person - good or bad alike - is neither good or bad...

This quote is so powerful and was from a highly successful person. Who was it? Marcus Aurelius..the emperor fo the Roman Empire.

We often get caught up in the first two parts of this quote, thus stand blocking us from achieving any goal or a massive success.

First, we get stuck in worrying about what others will think or what we think they are thinking about (crazy if you think about it). This takes up precious mind power and time away from the important step of actually taking action.

Second, we react to external factors in the world around us. For example, if there is a lot of change around us, we feel overwhelmed or out of place and blame it on the change. The secret here is to know everything will always be changing around us, that is the constant. The power comes when you build systems which allow you to thrive in any situation.

Step 2:

Understand that every result is a LAG indicator produced by LEAD indicators, or daily decisions and actions you take. Thus, do not get caught up on the LAG indicators, but have a heightened focus on your LEAD indicators which produced them.

We often get caught up on the result and rarely focus on the process which brought us there. Yet, if you were to switch your thinking and see every result, as a product of the daily decisions and actions you take, growth will accelerate!

Step 3: 

Be aggressive to separate FACT from opinion.

Often times we let the opinions of others, or ourselves, dictate how we perceive a situation. This, in turn, drives us to make decisions based on this false information.

For example, you are dieting and get on the scale to see you have not lost weight from yesterday and automatically feel that dieting does not work, your opinion. Thus, you constantly think about how hard dieting is, how easy it would be to eat whatever you want, and so on until you find yourself on the sofa with two empty cartons of ice cream beside you.

This where you need to be aggressive to separate FACT from opinion. The FACT is what LEAD indicators produced this LAG indicator? Can you identify which action produced this result?

You will find if you do this, then it will be easier to take corrective action...which leads to Step 4.

Step 4:

Be relentless in acting and autocorrecting to achieve your ultimate outcome.

I have learned success is not a linear path. You do not start at point A and then draw a straight line to Point B. Actually, you will move to the right, then down, then up, and then...It is a process which requires you to set the target, then act and autocorrect to get you to your final destination.

Similar to how an airplane gets you from one place to the next, you will constantly need to take action and then learn from your successes, disappointments, mistakes, rejections, and failures to take corrective action to take the next steps to achieve your ultimate outcomes!

So there you have it! A 4-step process to achieve any goal, massive success, and achieve your dreams to create a life you love!

I can guaranteeou will produce amazing results and accelerate your growth if you can apply this 4 step process consistently!

So what are you waiting for? 

Execute this process on the path to achieving your dreams and creating a life you love!

Top three activities that move me forward?

1. Being consistent with the morning routine. Sets the day for success no matter what!

2. Being disciplined to zen. When the body does not feel well, everything else suffers.

3. Listening to audible and life coach podcast. Dramatic improvements in my life professionally and personally due to doing this daily.

Biggest lessons and learnings?

Be aggressive to separate FACT from opinion to get the information you need to take corrective action.

What are you grateful for?

Being able to spend time and celebrate with Family during the holidays. Never knew how powerful this was in the past, but with a family of my own, it is truly amazing!

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PLANNING (Implementation Intention):  You will follow through 2X to 3X more likely to complete your weekly task than you normally would just by filling in the following statement.

I plan to complete the weekly task [day] at [time] in [location]. 

A reminder you might have to use multiple Implementation Intentions in order to follow through.

EXECUTION (strategies used):  From week to week, I use a combination of many strategies. There are always some which are used more than others depending on what comes up, but I wanted to offer a link to all them at once. 

My advice is to identify the I CAN'T statement you tell yourself during the most. Then find a strategy below the statement which resonates with you, and then start using it. 

Enjoy!

STRATEGY LIST